The couple from The Notebook was in my office today

I work at an optometry office, today I came into work and there was a couple waiting to see the doctor. The wife was talking to herself and would blurt out random words or talk to nothing in front of her. Her 88 year old husband is one of our patients and he went inside the exam room with the doctor. The staff and I both expressed worry not knowing if she would be okay by herself.

 

My co-worker looks at me and says “his wife has Alzheimer’s”

 

My heart squeezed. It was just like The Notebook. I looked at the woman as she spoke to no one, staring and pointing at the wall with a sense of loss on her face, a loss of herself. I wrapped up the eye exam and said goodbye to the man, right next to us is his wife talking to herself. He would interrupt me to say “yes hun”, “shh shh”, “okay we’re going very soon”. The man slowly guided his partner outside of the office and I watched him talk to her even though she wasn’t sure what was going on.

 

The Notebook is real.

 

But these stories are quickly fading in our society. Technology (and the media) is destroying the beauty in this world. Mankind is actually destroying mankind but let’s not get into that. We’ve been brought up in a society of “now”. Internet, 24 hour news and social media… all these things make us live in the present which isn’t a bad thing but it doesn’t make anything last. Nothing stays relevant. We don’t hold onto anything, new trends come and go such as strange dance moves and nomination videos. What does this teach us? The dramatic increase in multimedia platforms and development in technology doesn’t allow anything to occur organically anymore. There’s a decrease in organic health, organic happiness, organic beauty as well as developing love organically. Our society has become accustomed to believe there are various supplements and steroids to become healthy. Use alcohol, weed and drugs to enhance or be happy. Fake nails, hair, lashes and plastic surgery to look beautiful. This is the “hook-up” generation and there are hundreds of dating sites and phone apps to find your potential partner. Social media plays a large role now too. Whether it’s 12 likes or 200 likes it makes an individual feel good about themselves and think if that one person they’re with doesn’t appreciate them, one of those 200 likes would want to be with them or maybe the person who’s been complimenting pictures or retweeting their tweets. Today’s relationships are full of sins. Men have wives, girlfriends, baby mamas, side chicks, and booty calls. Women have husbands, boyfriends, “side niggas” and booty calls. Our generation take these types of relationships as a joke, desensitizes infidelity and we don’t truly value what real love is.

 

I think back to watching that couple leave my office and wonder, they must have come a long way from when they first met. I want to be able to experience everything organically before all of this poisoned the whole world. To be happy organically, be comfortable in my own skin, and of course—to find love organically sounds like the most difficult thing to do.

 

One of the most important things I learned in university is “Technology is a tool” it’s neither good nor bad but it is what the user decides to do with it. Look around and see how we are using technology.

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One good deed goes a long way…

One day in the winter first or second year of university, I was on my way to my -then-boyfriend’s house and stopped by the mall to pick up some food. As I was about to leave, a distressed woman approached me. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and her voice cracked when she asked me “What’s your background?”
I hesitated and then answered, “I’m half Chinese and half Vietnamese”
She responded, “Could you please help me? I think my husband’s been cheating on me and I want you to call this number and tell me what she says…She only speaks Chinese”.
I sat down with her and sent a text message to my -then-boyfriend telling him I was going to be late and what the situation was. He said “You should have just walked away”.
I knew little Cantonese but tried my best to call this possible mistress from my phone and hopefully ease the thoughts of the distressed woman. After a few phone calls and attempts asking, the other line started rejecting my call. I turned to the woman and apologized that I couldn’t do anymore and I wasn’t much help. She started to tear, I pulled a handful of tissues out of my purse and handed to her as she cried to me. She told me about being married for 20-something-years, they have kids together, and she doesn’t know what to do. Her oldest daughter was coming to pick her up soon, I had already missed my bus and the foods gone cold. I continued to listen to her and told her that everything will turn out okay, even though I didn’t know. She thanked me and I gave her a hug before I left…

About 6 months later on my way home, I received a call from an un-programmed number.
“…Hello?”
“Hi Elizabeth! How are you?”
“I’m fine, you?… I’m sorry but who is this”
“Oh you don’t remember me? I’m that lady from the mall a while back”
“…wow, oh my god. Hi! How are you? How is everything?”
“Everything’s great. It was a very messy situation, but my husband’s still here with me and we’re good. Long story but I found your number and wanted to call you and say thank you so much for what you did. Listen sweetie, I want you to save my number. You can call me anytime, ask me for anything anything at all I’ll be there for you okay? I really appreciate what you did”

I didn’t save her number, I don’t even remember her name…because it doesn’t matter. Don’t do good things to expect favors to be owed to you. Do it because it’s the right thing to do, and that person will appreciate it. I know if I was going through problems, I would appreciate a stranger to be there to hand me a tissue and listen to me. As bad as the world can be, try to be that one good person then. It’s easy to sin, it’s simple to be a bystander, it takes strength to be a good person.

Let me paint you a picture

Let me paint you a picture
A sea of fire
And a land of sorrow
That’s all she sees ‘cause she don’t know how to let go
And so…
Only that and memories flow into her brain
So let’s take a stroll down memory lane
Don’t take this the wrong way and think I’m insane
Well… he knows I am but let’s not expose any names
Rewind back to 2009
Where I was fine—actually content, that no one was on my mind
Felt a little empty but got used to it over time
A strong defense system for a hollow state
The one time I put my guard down, turn around, got gunned down with no time to retaliate
Shit… then what happened to me occurred at an exponential rate
I was gone and now it’s his checkmate
The kids an evil genius you would have to agree
Yeah, you make me mad ‘cause look what you’ve done to me
Weird dreams and lack of sleep
Always afraid something bad is going to happen
Alright guys, I admit it then
Elizabeth Nguyen, really likes him
Now SHUT UP, I’m trying to finish this poem
Actually… I don’t know what this written is
And I really don’t know what THIS is
This is ridiculous
I assume that’s what you’re thinking right?
I apologize because this isn’t what I normally write
*sigh* I gotta finish this before I turn off the light and call it a night
So where was I?
Oh yes, Guard up, then this criminal comes along
And now I’m making this cheesy shit that could be mistaken for a love song
Feeling like something’s going to go wrong
I’m not accusing you of anything
It’s just… you know… a feeling
Let me paint you another damn picture
It’s a feeling of always being screwed over
Tired of the drug and getting sober
So if you’re not here for us then what are you here for?
Cut off the line now before I get hurt
And so to conclude, I hate you.  =)
For making me feel weak
So please take a seat
I hope you can stay but if not that’s okay
Cause I’ll wait for you to come back another day

Before the storm comes

What’s the point of tryna make a point if they don’t listen to your opinion?
How can one believe another’s acts are based on good intentions?
Hypocritical, stubborn, difficult immature bitch
I can admit I’m all that
While you sit back and relax
And agree to all this shit
Cause you’ll only see what you wanna see
I know what sort of perspective and respect you have for me
Only remember what you want to remember
That’s right, you don’t need this shit from her!
“This is all one sided, I’m simple minded
Can be easily misguided
Fuck, I can’t play real poker, my emotions are too obvious, I can’t hide it”
That was sarcasm if you didn’t already know
Shocking? Yeah, the pill I’m giving you is a tough one to swallow
Apparently, I’ve been recently diagnosed with PMS and need a new prescription
This cathartic poetry writing is no longer the right medication
I’ve also been told that my sanity’s almost gone
There’s no cure for any of this but it’s being worked on
So all I can do now is try to behave and just reminisce
Think about what we’ve been through, who’ve I lost and what I do or don’t miss
Wait, how long’s it been? Have we made any progress?
Or have we being going in circles on the same platform?
The clouds are rolling in, its gunn be a dangerous storm
It’s not will everything be ‘okay’ after the storm goes…
It’s will nature still grow and will the sun shine brighter tomorrow?

Before the Renaissance series…

Fighting, halfway to completion, surprisingly still sane?
Red eyed and belly-flamed
Murdering anyone coming into play
Slash another dead weight, already forgot his name
Been stabbed in the back but still carrying on with pain
Making ways through the field in sunshine and rain
Can’t stop cause the battle will continue—it won’t be delayed
No chance for the leading opponents to stay
No chance for the people who love to wait
Or for a team to win cause one always tries to claim
So it feels great to be alone—self-trusted, self-made
Fueled by determination and people’s hate
Breakin’ bones, slittin’ throats walking away in clothes bloodstained
Getting close to the end and still maintaining my frame
Finished out on top, lost many things but the lessons still remain.

The Bartender

He’s not a knight in shining armor but he provides me with an escape

He pours another glass and it temporarily heals my heart-break

As I watch him make me another drink

I have nothing to feel or think

He says to me “I think you’ve had enough”

I respond “I’ll drink till I find love”

So he pours me another cup…

Writer’s Block

Had and clear mind and a breath full of air,
Scrambling for words to describe a feeling that wasn’t there
Dark and hollow inside, a hole where my heart used to be
Tried to write a love song but the feeling wasn’t deep
For years I didn’t have enough to find the words
Because nothing I find in this world
Can make me believe in love again
Stuck on writer’s block until the end…
I was cold and dead, it wasn’t a behavior
But then you came with fire, you became my savior
Your heat relit my flame that was long gone
You held me and told me to hold on and be strong
You entered my life and brought me to realize
In no planned action but in a surprise
You’ve showed me a bigger, better picture
Opportunities I can take and purposes to serve
All in a blur, in a quick motion
And all in a moment
I’ve realized that you have owned it
Taken possession of my heart and my mind
All I can think of is me invest my time
Into you, being with you here, on the computer or on the phone
Whatever it is, stay connected to you and I’ll never feel alone
Before I didn’t have enough but only a pile of mess
Now I’ve got so much and can’t pick one word to express
What you are to me, no one would believe it
But in a blink of an eye you’re gone and I feel stupid
I fell into a deep hole, it’s getting dark and I fear
There’s no way out and you were never really here
Then I look up and your hands got a shovel
Turning what we had and what I called love into rubble
Burying me alive…
As I beg, plead and cry
Gasping for air but nothing’s flowing into my lungs
Throw a rope around my neck and my body gets hung
I’m already dead but you keep throwing down dirt and rocks
This is all my fault, I should have stuck with writer’s block.