Writer’s Block

Had and clear mind and a breath full of air,
Scrambling for words to describe a feeling that wasn’t there
Dark and hollow inside, a hole where my heart used to be
Tried to write a love song but the feeling wasn’t deep
For years I didn’t have enough to find the words
Because nothing I find in this world
Can make me believe in love again
Stuck on writer’s block until the end…
I was cold and dead, it wasn’t a behavior
But then you came with fire, you became my savior
Your heat relit my flame that was long gone
You held me and told me to hold on and be strong
You entered my life and brought me to realize
In no planned action but in a surprise
You’ve showed me a bigger, better picture
Opportunities I can take and purposes to serve
All in a blur, in a quick motion
And all in a moment
I’ve realized that you have owned it
Taken possession of my heart and my mind
All I can think of is me invest my time
Into you, being with you here, on the computer or on the phone
Whatever it is, stay connected to you and I’ll never feel alone
Before I didn’t have enough but only a pile of mess
Now I’ve got so much and can’t pick one word to express
What you are to me, no one would believe it
But in a blink of an eye you’re gone and I feel stupid
I fell into a deep hole, it’s getting dark and I fear
There’s no way out and you were never really here
Then I look up and your hands got a shovel
Turning what we had and what I called love into rubble
Burying me alive…
As I beg, plead and cry
Gasping for air but nothing’s flowing into my lungs
Throw a rope around my neck and my body gets hung
I’m already dead but you keep throwing down dirt and rocks
This is all my fault, I should have stuck with writer’s block.

Women and Body Image

Five foot two, seventeen year old female
Decent IQ and looks, but always fails
To see the truth from her brown eyes
Instead she’s blinded and trying to fit the same size
As the chicks on TV
But it’s impossible, or at least, unlikely
I’m a size small to a medium, fit a size 1 to a 3
But still feel insecure when they stare at me
It’s like they pick out all the flaws in one glimpse
And this behaviors been following me ever since
I was six, old enough to know when mother’s callin’ me fat
Still echoes in my head bet she doesn’t remember that.
Growing up with media flashing thin models in our faces
Forced into our brain so hard it can’t be erased
But it’s something we need to acknowledge as fake and
Just accept ourselves physically and appreciate what’s in the skin
We need to fix ourselves, fix this—doing this for my cousin
Nine years old, never complains and always smiling
But alone she told me as if she were secretly dying
Looking down, in a quiet and weak voice she states
‘My mommy told me I’m fat, I think I’m overweight”
My heart breaks and I’m overwhelmed with hate
Cause she says she’s bigger than the girls her age
And not going to grow up like the girls in her society
Pulling me back to eleven years ago as if she were me
This isn’t something we want to hear
We try our best to stay true but the media interferes
We have to pull out the plug so there’s no control
Ladies look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful
Cause trying to become what you can’t will become a burden
You got what you have for a good reason
Accept what’s possessed
And make the new generations process
The same thing, we can’t keep passing
This like it’s genetic
It’s a mental illness and we all know we can cure it

Renaissance series

The Death

I’m itinerant, I’m insidious
People all around hate but they’re still curious
Curious to hear what I say,
To know what’s in my brain
To see if I’m feeling pain, to find out if I’m heartless
They stay away cause they know what I have is contagious
Cause once you get infected you want more, tryna entice me
As I’m leaving you frozen by my actions, frozen by my euphony
I laugh at each person I play, I downgrade, I downsize
All you say I changed, that I’m someone you don’t recognize
Well the old me is dead and gone, she was buried alive
Society knocked her head with a shovel, started digging and screaming “DIE MOTHER FUCKER DIE”
So she’s underground but this bitch is in her place speaking a eulogy
Talking to the grave “Miss I knew you well and I’ll do what you couldn’t, that you best believe”
So here it is, She’s gone and the bitch is out
Girls go get your shit ready and start runnin’ your mouth
Boys be good boys and stay inside
And if it’s too late then go run and hide.

The After-Death…

*Thump… Thump… Thump…*
Where is she?
“The bitch” still stands in her place.
Taking care of what’s left.
The eulogy and final words were said.
*Thump… Thump…Thump…*
A faint sound of a heartbeat….

Now she faces her alter-ego.
The heartless bitch that doesn’t give a shit and lets everyone know
That the gatekeeper who chained her and kept her calm
after 4 long years is now gone
She’s been on her own, won every fight and killed every man
The bitch is taking over her life and doesn’t give a damn
It’s the battle between the two personas
Whoever wins gets to own it all
One has a reputation of betrayal and deception
only causes destruction and has no progression
The other was innocent and always forgotten
lived in shadows and wore failure like a trend

The battle’s getting intense and no one can help
It’s no longer about who wins but who is the true-self

Ressurection

Shot, left bleeding, left behind
No one cares- so scared outta my mind
Knocked out cold
“1…2…3 –K.O-“
Finished, useless, thrown into the hell pit
Gone for years so it’s done and that’s it



BACK. Revived, no longer dead
Still with no love, no one cares, nothings said
Here for revenge. Back for each person that shot me
Bloodshot eyes, carrying ammunitions endlessly
Each line equals one bullet to a head
I’M crackin’ skulls
All your talk is bull
Keep talkin’ shit I’ll pull out a bowl
Spoon feed you till you get full
It don’t affect me, my heart died long ago
In the pits of hell I learned to ride solo
So what’s there to do now bitch? What’s there to say
Go ahead say I’m a slut, a bitch, an emo, fucked up Asian for days
You done now? Alright see you later have a nice day!
Come back again, there’s nothing new I haven’t heard
Get all your lil hater groupies and all you can concur
Fact of the matter is I’m back and it’s killing you
Back with war scars but more like a sword ‘cause I’m piercing through
Blood shed, murder, it’s clear to see who did this
Standing on the rubble it’s this lyricist
Shotgun in my left and pen in my right
I finally won the war, because I lost a fight.

Post-War Effect

Went through hell and back, just for revenge
Shot them in the head and any survivors left cringe
Step one is complete now time for the next stage



I’ve opened my eyes to see a clearer picture
sorted the truth from the lies and made goals for a better future
Tied up all the loose ends so nothing can pull me back
Not taking any roads ’cause I’m leading the path
Too focused to let any more shit phase me
Taking my risks ’cause there’s no choices with safety
No time for dogs I’ve set my priorities straight
I don’t got a cold heart– got no heart that’s just my current state
Focused, no distractions. I’m walking over dead bodies
Murdering anything that tries to stop me
Can see it now- no use on trying to quit
Slowly reachin’ my goal and with every step a match is lit
Leaving a path of destruction and fear all around
Let you know what you try to build against me will burn to the ground

Belong

I listen I pay attention I give respect
I dress for success and show my intellect
But dressing for success and showing my intellect doesn’t affect how people believe in me
My dedication and respect doesn’t effect them and am I the only on that sees
That no matter how hard I try I will never be accepted to be
Good enough to belong except in the fact I be accepted to be
A failure but that’s not me I don’t wanna be what people want to see in me
I wanna reach the top but never ever stop, never fall down never reach down below, show to everyone and let them know
That I can make it and there’s more to me than what people see
I don’t need to fake it to belong cause belonging is a desire and not a need to me

Patience

Can feel the wind on my skin as I watch the sun set,
Every night I sleep and dream but still wake up with no rest
A breath a second
but not taking in a moment
There is no longer a possession
in which I cherish
Only one that I wish
And so I will wait
because waiting for day
to turn to night is only time
And time in my mind
is worth nothing
So I will wait for day to turn to night, watch dancing fireflies
Wait for night to turn to day and the sun to rise
In the heat, in the cold, in the rain and in the sun, I am patient
My flame does not flicker, it is strong. It will always burn
And so I will remain here…
Until you return

What a Trip Series

Time spent well or time well wasted?
I’d say wasted in all other cases
and this may be placed into the pile
Should I walk away and smile?
At the beginning of a laugh
Laughing at the fact that I thought I had something I didn’t actually have
Wanted it so bad I was blinded
Dismissed everything and got misguided
All one-sided, now wondering where I went
Now nothing justifies any actions
Unimportant and unpleasant
but occasionally blissful
Once felt beautiful
Caught up in your euphony
caught up in the world of you and me
But actions speak louder than words
and words are just words
So what are you ‘saying’?
cause I don’t ‘hear’ anything.
Being alone was a strength but became a downfall
Acceleration to independence been slowed down to a crawl
Reached destination: Desperate and Pathetic
Stepping on the pedal and flooring it
Drives pass it and not hitting walls or a pole
Solo and cold
but there’s sunshine at the end of the road
Still carrying on without that little something he stole…

PART TWO (Michael Baxter):

Time well spent or well wasted
Answer’s on the tip of my tongue, i still taste it
Played out, my chest just flails out
Heart on my sleeves cardiac arrest
… I bail out
What am I doin’?
I don’t wanna know
That little thing I stole, I can’t just let it go
Too easy and I’m complicated enough
Co-operation is rough
So I just fake it and bluff
What you said resonates
As my nerves detonate
So I simply sit and wait
In other words I hesitate
My times comin’ up you can bet on
It like the shit relied on Efron
Respect’s gone…
For you or for me? Take a guess
Take a chance, play a little Russian roulette
If you’re comfortable let
Me ease ya mind and I’m sure in time
You’ll find I’m not at all what you’d expect
So that little thing i stole you can have it
Just make sure you keep it close like a pin to a magnet
And that’s it, that’s all there is ‘cause
I’m burnt out, whatta fuckin’ trip that was…

PART 3:

It’s dark, heading to where the sunshine is
Heartless, I start to reminisce
Not just my heart but respect for you is gone
I knew you never loved me all along
Spending too much time writing these love songs
Realized that I’ve been going at this all wrong
Was always looking for any sort of sign
Couldn’t see anything cause I was blind
But my mind told me they were there
So I stayed thinking you really cared
Our story. I heard your side
What a bunch of bullshit, they were all lies
When it was time to leave your eyes never had sadness and sorrow
Used to neglect me, I’ll be better off on my own
What happened to who I fell for when we first met?
Fuck playing a little Russian roulette
I’m done playing games and I’ve been patient from the start
No, go ahead and keep my heart
And keep everything else from me that you had to take
So I can look at the empty space that’ll remind me of my mistakes

PART 4 (Michael Baxter):

‘Bullshit? Sorrow? Strong words
From a fragile girl so I find it absurd
That you hate me when it was all love
A month ago? Week ago?…
None of the above
Seems like yesterday my memory of us
But fuck that, the past is the past
So while you struggle to breath, I hazmat
“my whack ass” quote, unquote
and now you think what?
I’ll shake with some rhymes and some notes
You knew what this was, and who I was as well
But looked to me to define yourself
That was fine and swell
The Clark to your Lois
Your superman, but then you had to blow it
I’m done this flow shit
So quit your cryin’
I would apologize
But why waste my time tryin’
The apology still stands but I doubt you’d take it
And I’d end with I love you
But it’d be hard to fake it’

VIEW MICHAEL BAXTER’S WORK:  88 Magazine and blog

Stranger

Who am I?
I don’t know anymore
It’s like the old me walked out the door
And someone else is now here
And she didn’t come to hear or say anything sincere
She’s just here, with an odd sense of vacancy
A strong urge to break out of the room and be free
But holds emptiness that doesn’t want but need…
To be filled
Yet still
She sits calmly with a vacant stare
Wondering if being put through this is fair
Of course not
And he knows
And so do they
So why does she stay?
Or…why did I leave and make her take my place?
She can become a monster any minute
Be the next beautiful tragedy any second
And leave a path of destruction without regret
Who is she?
She’s become the new me
She likes being me but I’m not sure if I like her…
She’s poisonous and injects venom in each spoken word
That’s why they don’t want her to speak at all
So now she’s out for blood, wanting to leave them to crawl.